Thursday, 12 November 2009

Paranormal Activity

Ok. I really, really, really, and damn it I'll type it again REALLY wanted to like this movie. They hype, the clip editing, and the reviews. Paranormal Activity had all the making for a great film. Kinda like a slutty prom date, you just know she's a sure thing. I should know us sluts can smell our own. But the whiff of designer cheap imposter perfume has worn off and I smell like a road side whore jipped by a john with premature ejaculation. Frustrated. Was that it? WTF! Are you kidding me with this? This is some paranormal bullshit. Sure ok, there were two creepy scenes with the Ouija board and the dragging of Katie's ankels. Oren Pel (via Paramount) promised someting that was going to be stupendous and shocking. I am shocked I didn't slap a bitch in the screening room.
There are a few problems. The baby has pee'd in the bath water and needs to be tossed out. First there was the psychic. and the arguing over the which demonologist to visit, choose, whatever. I didn't find Dr. Dionne's Psychic Friend convincing and a little stupid really. No passage through the house during his visit ala Poltergiest. But looked like your everyday run of the mill panty sniffer who's picture is posted on the wanted wall at the Post Office for running scams. Secondly the burnt picture in the atitic. Come on, I mean if your going to fuck me at least kiss me and pull my hair. And the big finnish was that stupid website where the possesed girl appraently eats her arm and the whole thing looked corny and cheap. Unbelievable. Too far, too much, and too stupid. I smell Eli Roth? When the psychic obviously comes back, cause he needs his cash cow to kick up some duckets. The two hapless lovers are at a stand still. So were are left with blowing wind, baby powder on the floor, swinging light fixtures and noises to conted with and endless footage of her sleep walking. Big whoop.
My upstairs neighbour makes noise at 3 in the morning and I imagine him placing bodies in the floor boards. but this was just a little to hokey for me. To establish this film took like a full trimester, and maybe a few road trips. Come on get in there and throw shit around, really go for it. Yes subtle works but the shadows and the doors opening and closing were just a little to Disney Haunted Mansion for my taste.

The entity it's self, what a wuss. I mean it had a hold of her, at least Barbara Hershey's really gave her the money shot and an orgasm. What was horrifying was having to look at those aweful silk flower arrangements through the whole house. Jesus this woman was in need a of a gay friend with some taste. I kinda felt that the trailer really is far better than the film its self. What a shame.

There are three different ending to this apparently. I have seen two and with the proposed sequel given a green light. I say this isn't a must see, maybe a must rent, one day.

Know why she stabbed his ass is cause he didn't, you know,? He didn't once stick his car in the garage and rock the Casbah. I mean if I see a camera in the corner of a bedroom, I start making slutty porn faces and get blow job lips at least.

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